Your Undocumented Roommate

Your Undocumented Roommate

Hello, my name is Juan. Good news buddy, I’m going to be moving into your house with you! I’m gonna be your new roommate Michael! Can I call you Michael? I feel like I can call you Michael now.

How did I get here, you ask? Well your fence only surrounds like a third of your property. The Detroit Lions have better outside blocking. I just walked right in. That red-head Janet over there said it was cool.

Now I know you’ve been getting a lot of calls from other people before me, looking to be your roommate. And I’m sure they’ve filled out all of the applications and went through your screenings. But hey, I’m special. And you’re not a racist, are you???!!!

Now, as I’m sure you’re already well aware, I’m not going to be paying you any rent or bill money. Not my speed. However, I will be helping you with some of the menial chores around the house like washing the dishes and cleaning out the gutters. You know, things you would normally get, or dare I even say pay, some teenager to do.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, I have a wife and two kids. Now don’t worry, they’re not gonna be living here with us. But I will be having their education and medical bills forwarded to here from now on. I know you won’t mind. I saw your Prius in the driveway.